I ACCEPT MY SPIRITUAL DHARMA BUT HONESTLY A WEEK DOES NOT GO BY WHERE I DON'T DREAM OF PLAYING DRUMS IN A BAND SO HEAVY IT GIVES PEOPLE WHIPLASH THE DAY AFTER A LIVE SHOW JUST PUTTING OUT THERE #pleb #nostr #metal #spirtualawakening

Building I think. That kind of presence feels like an edge of my capacity. Like I'd be overwhelmed if I was there all the time but I'm getting more used to it

I had a moment out walking yday where the sight of dappled light and leaf shadows fluttering in a strong wind almost made me faint. When you strip back all the layers between your body-mind and naked sensing, shit gets wild yo #pleb #nostr

Can we take a moment to acknowledge the fact that as I was holding my phone just now, it randomly started charging without being plugged in. I noticed that my thumb was resting on the port. I moved it. It stopped charging. I’m an electric bitch

Hands up all my girlies who say "I don't know" so often that it has become their personality. And you know deep down that it is not a reverent, surrendered I don't know but an "I'm just a helpless babyyyy with no power" I don't know It's an I don't know that you conveniently insert into every place where you could be standing in your authority. It's a feigned confusion that is a cover for the fact that you do, in fact, know. You are highly intuitive. You have always known. And you know what you need to do.  You just got a bit too comfortable inside of the identity that doesn't want to have to be responsible for holding that.  Your I don't know has become a subtle, repeated self betrayal.  Hands up if you're ready to take that mask off.  #pleb #nostr #spiritualgrowth #truth

Laptop and lizard multi tasker here hahaha

I might share on here at some point! Thank you for reading ❤️

My life and work feels MIRACULOUS after making the following change: I went to another open mic to play piano last night. It was a different one. A tiny, super packed out little pub. I am chill up until the point when I walk in and see how busy AND intimate it is. I can barely concentrate and stare through the barman for a second before gathering myself and blurting out that I want an orange juice, which I never drink. I almost didn’t go up to the woman running it. I was technically too late. I could have just left it. And it was like a wind at my back that carried me over to her anyway. She said she’d squeeze me in. Great. But when we sit down I notice something. I notice where my mind wants to go and where it has gone the last few times: it wants to obsessively picture the piano keys and play the song internally over and over and over and over again because it’s convinced I’ll forget it. It wants to hyper-fixate on that particular part that I froze on, the last time I played. It is absolutely DESPERATE for certainty. And I realised how untenable that desperation now was. I couldn’t actually run it anymore. Because it just isn’t who I am anymore. I am not someone who believes they are gonna forget a song that I wrote, that I have played a trillion times. I am not someone who bends to that kind of mental gymnastics. It was like every cell of me saw and felt how absurd my mind was being. And I gave it up. I handed it over. And tears pricked at my eyes because this kind of surrender still really gets me. How simple and beautiful it is to feel the holding on the other side of the mental grip. Something clicked when I played that night. My hands relaxed more. The expression of the music had space to come through instead of me just white knuckling to get through it. Every time I have gone to play I wanna walk out as soon as I walk in. Same goes when I read my poetry. It is still utterly vomit inducing. I actually consider it. I consider what it would be like if I just… walked out. And the pang of self abandonment is worse than the spicy as fuck exposure of staying. It won’t get easier for me. I won’t let it get easier. That’s not the goal. The point is that I lean into the edges that I think will kill me and I become more of myself. My mind gets even quieter. My body lets go even more deeply. I get closer to life Closer to God. And I get to be in a state of gooey-hearted flow in my day to day, more and more, as a default setting, because in choosing not to collapse into what is easy (walking out of that pub, walking out on myself) I get to experience true EASE. Every time I actively lean into the spicy spice the noise in my mind goes down another handful of decibels the grip in my body melts off the addiction to distracting myself drops back even further The fear of failure, of not being enough, of not “living up to the mark” loses its power. I get more free. It transfers into my creative work and business into putting offerings out into the world into the uncertainty and exposure of it all into my leadership and the way I show up for clients into the way I hold myself under pressure. When I am not protecting myself I allow myself to be fully supported and it is the most miraculous and beautiful thing. And it is what I walk others through. I hold people through the moments where they abandon themselves to fear, so that they learn how to stay, and keep staying. Because who you are in those moments and how you hold yourself is what sustains momentum is what creates results in your business is what allows you to LIVE in flow and stay connected without flopping in and out. When you hold this kind of standard for yourself you don’t doubt your potential or your ability to fulfil it it’s not even up for debate You ARE potential.

Writing was one of the first places where I could access a flow state.  Teaching, transmitting, facilitating, getting in the zone with clients is another one.  (Making music + gardening too!) When you've made the massive and brave decision to turn your flow state activities into a career, you're gonna be asked to face every place inside you that has been conditioned to swim against the flow. Every place where you get in the way of it.  Entrepreneurs + creatives stay in survival patterns and wallow in stagnancy for years longer than they need to because they fail to recognise the enormity of the gift they've been given:  To cultivate a whole life, lived in flow.  It's not for the faint of heart.  It is thorough. You will be asked to give up every ounce of self protection.   There will be nowhere to hide.  You will have to surrender to your fears over and over again  But it is freedom like no other.  It is an experience of life and being alive that most people write off as a pipe dream, that most people don't even allow themselves to want.  #flowstate #flow #pleb #plebchain #nostr