Am I the narcissist? It's definitely the most frequent question people ask me when I talk with them. Almost always the answer is NO! One of the reasons is they are asking the question of themselves. Narcissists do not usually question if they are toxic. We all have some dysfunctional behaviors, but this does not make us a narcissist. Many other things come into play for that to be true.

Toxic people are pretty aware of what they are doing or they wouldn't hide it. These are definitely not things we need to forgive them for, especially when they continue the behavior. Forgiving ourselves is essential. For not seeing right away, for staying or not standing up for ourselves. Allow you to forgive you!

It's a gift for us to be able to be there for someone else through their struggles. It can be a distraction from our own healing, which we simply need to be aware of. It can also help us through our own healing at the same time. Allow people to show up for you just as much as you show up for them!

So many people have all the thoughts about how and what we should do with our lives. Of course, then they also want to tell us these things too. Many are well meaning and some are not. It's ultimately our decision what we actually want to do with our lives. Don't ever let anyone else decide for you about your life!

Too many of us fight so hard to try to make relationships work that simply won't. Either because the other person is toxic or they have unhealed wounds. In both cases they fight against you rather than for the relationship. In these situations often all we can do is save ourselves. Don't lose yourself over a relationship!

It’s pretty simple to understand, but not as easy to deal with or actually embrace. The more we understand this, the easier it is to let more of their BS go. Even when they say it's our fault, it’s not. It’s just the way they are. Just because we understand it, still doesn’t make it easy. Go easy on yourself in the process.

Testing all your boundaries. That’s what narcissists do. They will test all your boundaries and then test them again. When they find one they can't push past, they will then begin pushing other boundaries. They simply want control over everything in your life. Everything more and nothing less. They will push boundaries until you give in, or they will eventually move on if you don’t. Hold those boundaries tight!

An upward spiral just sounds better and it really is. Taking the time to allow and to learn to recognize our thoughts and emotions is wonderful. It helps us to increase our intuition. This allows us to begin to recognize not only when things don’t feel right, but what doesn’t feel right about them. This then allows us to be able to move through these situations much quicker with much less struggle.

You've made it through everything in your life to get you here. It wasn't easy, but you made it. The path in front of you may seem scary, but you have all the skills and knowledge to help you through it that you've developed from the past. These things will also help you move into the future you truly want. Keep going. You are worth it!

Narcissists lie, gaslight, manipulate, control and abuse. It’s what they do and they don’t think anything’s wrong with it. They might be ashamed of getting caught for it, but they’ll deny it anyway. They realize it’s wrong to get caught for doing it. They don’t think it’s wrong to do it though.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone! Sending so much love and peace to every single one of you! Grateful you are here! May your day be filled with an overabundance of peace, joy and connection. Allow yourself to embrace all the good things in your life. Hold those boundaries! You don't have to participate in anything that doesn't bring you peace, joy and love!