When I was little, my parents always fed me alphabet soup, claiming that I liked it. But they were just putting words in my mouth.

How many skunks does it take to make a stink? Just a phew.

POV: You just hit the pot!

Doctor: I will be delivering the baby. Dad: Thanks but I’d prefer the baby with a liver

My wife said sex or dex. I am now a millionaire.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

Two guys walk into a bar. You would think that the second one would have ducked.

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.