You act like you do this all the time but you’re never home!

Bruh. You try her DMs but I’m her whole camera roll. We are not the same. -Spots

Awesome #catstr art.

Guess who’s her Lock Screen, bro? Not you! It’s meeeeeee. Haha! I own her heart furrrever. 💜 -Snots

Hey crypto czar. Mom won’t let us have a wallet! We are reporting her!

WE ARE STILL FATHERLESS! HOPE GETS A DATE SOON! WHAT IS IT LIKE TO HAVE A DAD!?!?!? HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, CAT DADS!

My wife, Snots, just bit my ear for no reason. Think I’ll get on cat eHarmony. How’s this for a profile pic? I’m handsomes.