gimme a list of 23 great backyard meat smokers for impressing my OCD, virtue-signaling neighbors

(I'm a long time River customer and recommend them. That said, I asked my LLM: ) Q: Silly? A: Yes and no. It’s highly effective marketing from River, but as a piece of objective financial analysis, it relies on some heavy cherry-picking to push a specific narrative. Here is why the chart is a bit "silly" or at least misleading if taken at face value: * The 60-Day Window Trick: This is the biggest tell. Look at the COVID Outbreak on March 11, 2020. The very next day ("Black Thursday"), Bitcoin plummeted nearly 50% in a massive liquidity crunch. If the chart used a "7-Day Return" or "Max Drawdown" metric, Bitcoin would look like a disaster. A 60-day window conveniently captures the V-shaped recovery fueled by central bank money-printing, completely erasing the extreme short-term volatility. * Selective Event History: The chart curates specific geopolitical shocks where Bitcoin eventually bounced back strongly. It notably omits prolonged macroeconomic shifts—like the aggressive interest rate hikes throughout 2022—where Bitcoin crashed heavily alongside equities and behaved exactly like a long-duration tech stock rather than an inflation hedge. * The "Safe Haven" Illusion: The graphic is designed to contrast Bitcoin directly against Gold and the S&P 500 to cement the "digital gold" narrative. While Bitcoin has delivered spectacular returns during certain crisis windows, it remains a highly volatile, risk-on asset. Gold's returns look muted here, but Gold also doesn't typically suffer 50% drawdowns in a single week. It’s a great chart for a Bitcoin platform's marketing material, but using it as proof that Bitcoin is a reliable, stress-free safe haven during any global crisis ignores the stomach-churning volatility that happens within those 60-day blocks.

I hear you ;)