Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

Teacher: There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross, and the other is cool. Johnny: So, what are the words?

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato.

I recently went to the World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine exhibit. Honestly, not a big fan.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: solid, liquid, and gas.

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

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